I am an officer of a club that is affiliated with a college. We have a dicey situation. There have been complaints against a member of the club, in a sexual harassment sort of way. Here are some details that you can take as facts for the purpose of responding to this thread:
A woman accused him of sexual impropriety. All the serious complaints are re things that didn't happen at the club. The two had some sort of relationship that went sour, and some of her complaints are re stuff that was consensual at the time it happened, but she is now upset about. Others were not consensual, but he is completely clueless, and didn't realize it at the time.None are especially serious from a criminal perspective. We're not talking rape. More on the order of a hand up a blouse, while cuddling in a bedroom. He believes the cuddling was completely consensual. He might be right about everything except the hand, too. Or he might not be. But it's important to stress that this is not a case of an evil predator, it's clearly a case of a guy who is trying to follow the rules but has trouble reading non-verbal communication.
One of the woman's close friends has some minor complaints about him that are alleged to have happened at the club. They are pretty vague, though.
The university already adjudicated these complaints. At that hearing, the girl asked the boy to leave three clubs. He agreed to leave the other two, but wanted to stay in this one. The university suggested they split it and have alternate weeks. The girl is unhappy with that suggestion, as it would mean she would be constantly reminded of the weird relationship. She seems to have done an end-run around that outcome by separately filing a complaint with the club.
If that were all there were, it would be sort of a he said/she said, and I don't think we'd want to kick him out.
But there are also at least five young women who find him creepy, and he makes them uncomfortable. None has a concrete complaint (as far as we know) but two of them have stopped coming to the club because they don't want to be near him, and one other is aware of the complaints above and is lobbying hard to get him out. One of the officers plans to talk to the fourth. (none of us knows the fifth well enough to be comfortable broaching this subject with her.)
It's not a mystery why young women find him creepy. He looks at women with a weird, hungry expression, and stands too close, and doesn't back off when people hint he might, and follows people who try to drift away from him. I have noticed these things, as have others who aren't personally creeped out to the point of it affecting their experience at the club.
Any suggestions?
A woman accused him of sexual impropriety. All the serious complaints are re things that didn't happen at the club. The two had some sort of relationship that went sour, and some of her complaints are re stuff that was consensual at the time it happened, but she is now upset about. Others were not consensual, but he is completely clueless, and didn't realize it at the time.None are especially serious from a criminal perspective. We're not talking rape. More on the order of a hand up a blouse, while cuddling in a bedroom. He believes the cuddling was completely consensual. He might be right about everything except the hand, too. Or he might not be. But it's important to stress that this is not a case of an evil predator, it's clearly a case of a guy who is trying to follow the rules but has trouble reading non-verbal communication.
One of the woman's close friends has some minor complaints about him that are alleged to have happened at the club. They are pretty vague, though.
The university already adjudicated these complaints. At that hearing, the girl asked the boy to leave three clubs. He agreed to leave the other two, but wanted to stay in this one. The university suggested they split it and have alternate weeks. The girl is unhappy with that suggestion, as it would mean she would be constantly reminded of the weird relationship. She seems to have done an end-run around that outcome by separately filing a complaint with the club.
If that were all there were, it would be sort of a he said/she said, and I don't think we'd want to kick him out.
But there are also at least five young women who find him creepy, and he makes them uncomfortable. None has a concrete complaint (as far as we know) but two of them have stopped coming to the club because they don't want to be near him, and one other is aware of the complaints above and is lobbying hard to get him out. One of the officers plans to talk to the fourth. (none of us knows the fifth well enough to be comfortable broaching this subject with her.)
It's not a mystery why young women find him creepy. He looks at women with a weird, hungry expression, and stands too close, and doesn't back off when people hint he might, and follows people who try to drift away from him. I have noticed these things, as have others who aren't personally creeped out to the point of it affecting their experience at the club.
Any suggestions?
Social Question 314
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