My wife and I are having a roundabout argument over my oldest son. He's a very bright kid, but he seems content to just do the minimum to get by and get good grades, but he's clearly not applying himself completely.
These traits apply to other items in addition to school. He's a good athlete, and yet he doesn't seem to want to put the work in to become a standout athlete. I think he could be a standout athlete, but he doesn't seem interested in doing so.
I used to get very frustrated by his lack of motivation. His skating by in life. His Could Care Less attitude. But I've come to realize that it's his life, not mine. I think he'd make things a lot easier on himself if he applied himself in certain areas, but at the same time, I think he's just one of those kids who has to learn things for himself. He needs to fail a time or two in order for the lesson to be learned. He needs to get knocked down before he gets it.
My wife, on the other hand, is getting really frustrated by his lack of initiative. She thinks ( as do I to some extent), that he does himself a disservice by not being the best he can be. By not seeking out help when he needs it. By not being assertive, etc. But that's just who he is in my opinion. He internalizes things and likes to figure them out on his own.
My son has expressed an interest in getting into physical therapy or some other allied health profession (not a doctor). From everything I know, his grades and test scores will certainly be "good enough" to get into a host of programs. But will he be valedictorian of his class? Heck no. And at the end of the day, do I care if he was #1 in his class, or the starting pitcher on his baseball team? Not really. I just want him to be a productive adult some day.
So, from the little you know of how I've described my son, do you push him to be the best, or just let him figure it out? Like I said, I've really come full circle on this one. I used to be a pusher, now I'm more laissez-faire. My wife is going in the opposite direction. Any experiences or advice here?
(I've expressed my frustration with my son on a host of issues before....interestingly, as I've seemed to back off in some areas, our overall relationship has improved, and he has modified some of his annoying behaviors as well. We still have work to do, but I wonder if my pushing was causing him to rebel, and now that I've adopted a bit more laid back approach, if he is less of a pain in the butt as a result....I really think he's just a passive aggressive type and does some of his stuff as a power play)
These traits apply to other items in addition to school. He's a good athlete, and yet he doesn't seem to want to put the work in to become a standout athlete. I think he could be a standout athlete, but he doesn't seem interested in doing so.
I used to get very frustrated by his lack of motivation. His skating by in life. His Could Care Less attitude. But I've come to realize that it's his life, not mine. I think he'd make things a lot easier on himself if he applied himself in certain areas, but at the same time, I think he's just one of those kids who has to learn things for himself. He needs to fail a time or two in order for the lesson to be learned. He needs to get knocked down before he gets it.
My wife, on the other hand, is getting really frustrated by his lack of initiative. She thinks ( as do I to some extent), that he does himself a disservice by not being the best he can be. By not seeking out help when he needs it. By not being assertive, etc. But that's just who he is in my opinion. He internalizes things and likes to figure them out on his own.
My son has expressed an interest in getting into physical therapy or some other allied health profession (not a doctor). From everything I know, his grades and test scores will certainly be "good enough" to get into a host of programs. But will he be valedictorian of his class? Heck no. And at the end of the day, do I care if he was #1 in his class, or the starting pitcher on his baseball team? Not really. I just want him to be a productive adult some day.
So, from the little you know of how I've described my son, do you push him to be the best, or just let him figure it out? Like I said, I've really come full circle on this one. I used to be a pusher, now I'm more laissez-faire. My wife is going in the opposite direction. Any experiences or advice here?
(I've expressed my frustration with my son on a host of issues before....interestingly, as I've seemed to back off in some areas, our overall relationship has improved, and he has modified some of his annoying behaviors as well. We still have work to do, but I wonder if my pushing was causing him to rebel, and now that I've adopted a bit more laid back approach, if he is less of a pain in the butt as a result....I really think he's just a passive aggressive type and does some of his stuff as a power play)
Kids - Push or not to push
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